Writer's Block Edition and blink-182

Last night I was trying to decide what to write about for this week’s favorite thing. And I couldn’t think of anything. Not one single thing. I have lots of favorite things, why couldn’t I come up with anything good? I’m blaming writer’s block.  I was talking to my friend Jonathan K. Lawrence at the time (I’m an excellent multi-tasker) and because I talk to him nearly every day, I assumed he might have a good suggestion.  (I should have known better.) This is what transpired.  (Pictures weren’t part of the original conversation, but they make things more fun.)

me: what should i write about for my favorite thing this week?
Jonathan: Jonathan Lawrence and They Might Be Giants.
Wait.
 me: ...
Jonathan: Jonathan Lawrence and THIS GUY

 
Watch his other videos for a larger musical sample to write about.
me: i already narrowed the hot jams down to two, but i'll consider changing it for that guy...
  i assume you mean this jonathan lawrence? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Lawrence
Jonathan: Not him or the Lord of the Punjab.

Jonathan Lawrence, Lord of Punjab

me: this one? http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0492845/
  or this one? http://crime.about.com/od/deathrow/ig/Florida-Death-Row-Inmates/Jonathan-Lawrence.htm
or this one? http://matchstic.com/blog/2012/01/ten-questions-with-jonathan/
  or this one? http://pluralism.org/affiliates/lawrence/
  i have a lot of choices 
Jonathan: Jonathan K. Lawrence
me: this one? http://www.usafns.com/show-msg.shtml?state=ar&msg=03504

We went on to discuss what middle name goes with Biggie Smalls (Answer: D’Ragonbreeder or D’Ragonslayer) Then later:

me: please pick a number 1 - 5
Jonathan: 2
me: okay. pick a number 1 - 15
Jonathan: 2 (editor's note: who picks the same number two times in a row?)
me: thanks
Jonathan: Does that mean I made it into your favorite things?
me: haha no. but you did pick what episode of 30 rock i'm watching right now.
  season 2 episode 2 
Jonathan: Does the "haha no" mean you're not writing about me?
me: no. i haven't decided yet.
  it depends whether i can come up with something better (editor's note: obviously i didn't)
Jonathan: I already know the answer to that.
  If you need any full-size photos (that won't be used to print on a body-pillowcase), I can provide some.

me: what makes you think i want a body pillowcase of you? you don't know my life!
  please imagine that in a mexican gangster accent 
Jonathan: *Willy Wonka look

me: my cholo voice plus you as willy wonka just made me lose it. i wonder if stompy heard me laugh out loud. 
Jonathan: Please tell me that you're wearing a button up shirt with only the top button fastened.
  Bandanas are optional at this hour. Baggy jorts are not.
me: duh. and i have my socks pulled all the way up.

Jonathan: This is way funnier than it should be.

And that's why Jonathan is one of my favorite things. But because he "don't know know my life", the hot jam is neither They Might Be Giants nor the weird guy from YouTube. It's What's My Age Again by blink-182. Friday will mark 13 years since Enema of the State came out. Whoa, right? So it seems appropriate to celebrate with the first single released on that album.

Unalaska Police Blotter and Noah

When I go home to California, there are 3 things I read in the local newspaper, The Village News: the obituaries, the change of names, and the police blotter.

The police blotter in The Village News has fun things like "Grand theft fruit/fowl/etc" and "Annoying phone call: obscene/threatening." (It's a small town...) but I didn't know fun police blotters until I started reading the Unalaska Police Blotter. (Which also appears in the Anchorage Daily News

Unalaska is most well know for being home to Dutch Harbor, the largest fisheries port in the United States and made famous by the Discovery Channel Show Deadliest Catch

RIP Capt. Phil

Unalaska is isolated. I mean seriously isolated. It's a quarter of the way down the Aleutian Chain, so it's practically in Russia

I'm not sure if people are already crazy when they get to Dutch Harbor or if the isolation turns them into crazy people, but either way it makes for great reading. You can find the most recent police blotter here, but here are some of my favorite entries:

Caller reported a group of 5 children playing atop an old residence. Officer contacted the group and advised them not to play on the roof of residences in general and not to play on the roof of residences not their own, ever.

Caller reported an intoxicated individual causing a ruckus in the common area of a bunkhouse. Officers confirmed the presence of said sot who agreed to scram.

Caller reported his credit card had been used fraudulently at a local business. Further investigation revealed the caller had used the card after all.

Owner of a local business reported that an individual had asked to see a $70 necklace from display case. The patron grabbed the necklace and attempted to flee the store. The Darwin Award nominee was unable to operate the front door which he pushed when it required that he pull. The clodpoll returned the necklace and apologized. The business owner declined to pursue charges.

Sister asked officers to tell her brother, on behalf of her father, that brother should not have any visitors, unsavory or otherwise, while father is out of town else father might kick brother out of the home when he returns. An officer passed along this message to brother.

Request for intervention between a homeowner tired of poo piles in her yard and a pet owner whose dog apparently seeks out the homeowner’s yard in the wee hours of the night.

Caller reported a beer-toting inebriated dropping the f-bomb all over the airport terminal. The inebriate told an officer he would start using his very best behavior since his attitude and intoxication had already caught the attention of those responsible for allowing departing passengers to board their flight, and he sincerely desired to be reunited with his family this night.

Officers responded to the Small Boat Harbor regarding a report that a large man was beating on a small lock, attempting to gain entry to a sailboat. The large man was gone by the time police arrived, but the drunken man who was inside the vessel making unpleasant remarks about the officers eventually came outside and was taken home by his mother.

Last week my friend Ashley (of Oh Wells Instead of What Ifs) posted a video of a kid named Noah singing a cover of LMFAO's Sexy and I Know It. And it was AMAZING. No seriously. So amazing he ended up on the Today Show. He has an album coming out soon and I will certainly be buying it. And listening to it on repeat. I can't even pick one hot jam, so here are few.

If you like Sexy and I know It, you can download Noah's version here! For free!

Shooting Sports and Josh Turner

I think I mentioned last week that my weirdo friends agreed to take me shooting for my birthday. Not only was it super fun, but no one got shot. So I'd call it a success.

I've always liked shooting sports because it makes me feel like a badass in an Annie Oakley kind of way.

I don't really come from a gun family. We never had guns around the house, but growing up on summer camps meant there was always an archery or riflery range around.

Here's my sister learning how to shoot. She was 5.

The past few years the family's practiced our archery on Christmas Day. We're well on our way to making the Olympic team. How hard can it be?

At least I'm consistent?

I don't want to shoot any humans, or even really any animals, but cans and bottles and targets are pretty fun.

This week I felt it was appropriate to pick a country song to go with such an 'merican favorite thing. So this week's hot jam is Would You Go With Me by Josh Turner. I love the adorable lyrics and the olde time country feel and that Josh Turner sounds like the offspring of James Earl Jones and Michael Clarke Duncan. Full disclosure: this video is super lame, so I'd recommend going to do something else while you listen. Or maybe imagining what the offspring of James Earl Jones and Michael Clarke Duncan would look like.

Thankful and New Kids on the Block

Today is my birthday! And I think birthdays are really good time to remember what you are thankful for. So here are some things I’m thankful for this year (in no particular order):

 1)My sweet new job – Since starting last month I’ve been up to my elbows in the reproductive fluids of common sea stars, played movies in the planetarium, taken 2 trips to Potter Marsh, ridden around Anchorage in a charter bus looking at public art, and learned proper handling of reptiles. While Anchorage isn’t exactly where I’d like to be living, at least I’m doing what I’d like to be doing.

 2)Daylight – Alaska has two seasons: winter and not winter, or if you prefer, dark and light. It’s currently light season and when I went to bed at quarter to 11 last night, I didn’t need my light to read. And I think that’s pretty great.

First 10 pm sunset of the season

3) This kid (along with the rest of my family, but he’s certainly the cutest)

4)Yogurt Lounge – I recently tried this frozen yogurt place near my house for the first time. You serve yourself and then pay by the ounce. I mixed peanut butter and cake batter frozen yogurt and then put Reese’s peanut butter cups on top. And it was delightful. Next time I’d like to try red velvet yogurt with maybe cookie dough on top?

5)My fabulous friends – Last week when my friends asked what I wanted to do for my birthday, I enthusiastically asked, “Can we go shoot stuff?!” They responded with a resounding yes. Because they enjoy redneck-ness as much as I do. I’ve also gotten some amazing birthday cards, calls, texts, and Facebook posts from my Lower 48 friends. My friends are a bunch of weirdos, and I love them for that.

Here are a few other things I'm thankful for (that don't require explanation) - pork tacos with avocado, cast iron skillets, half price happy hour, Boyfriend by Justin Bieber, knowing how to walk in high heels, chocolate milk, nighttime cereal, leaves on the trees, melting snow, knowing which fork goes with which course, United States Postal Service, and massages 

This week's hot jam is Happy Birthday to You by New Kids on the Block. Because what else would it be?

Manners and Nancy Sinatra

I’m always pleasantly surprised when someone is extra mannerly (which is a little sad, I think. People should just always be polite, right?). It’s the little things in life. I don’t expect Emily Post-style manners, but it’s always nice. These are my top 3 favorite mannerly actions

1)Please and Thank You – Such an easy one, but so often forgotten. I annoyed many a child who didn't say please while I was teaching. The kids learned quickly that, "I'm gonna borrow this pen" will not get you a pen, but it will get you a dirty look.

2)Holding the door –The other day I was walking into work as one of the security guards was walking out and he jumped back (literally) to grab the door for me. It made my morning.

3)Proper Introductions – I think knowing how to do a proper introduction is the classiest of the mannerly actions. There’s something so “fancy cocktail party” about it. Here’s how it should work. Scenario: You and a friend are shopping, you see a person you know but your friend doesn’t. You: Hey Other Person! Great to see you! This is my friend so-and-so. So-and-so, this is Other Person. Other person and I know each other from school/work/outer space/etc. So-and-So and I know each other from grocery store/gym/civil war reenactments/etc. Brief chat. Agree to catch up later. Say goodbye. No one wants to stand there for 10 minutes while you reminisce about your glory days on the water polo team, keep it short.

This is how people feel when they've been properly introduced

This week's hot jam is Sorry 'Bout That by Nancy Sinatra. (She might not have actually been sorry, but at least she said it.) I love Nancy Sinatra because she's so sassy. She's not taking any crap, and you're going to know it. She posed for Playboy at 54, if that's not sassy I don't know what is.