See you in 2013

Biographies and Billy Joel

Writing might be on a little bit of a weird schedule for the next few weeks, I'm going to be traveling for work a bunch. Last week I was in Kodiak. (I didn't see a Kodiak bear. Unfortunately.) This week I'm back in the A-N-C then I'm off to southeast AK for 10 days.

This week's favorite thing is biographies. I like biographies for one reason - I'm nosy. I want to know all kinds of weird details about people, regardless of whether I know them or not. Right now I'm reading Kurt Vonnegut: Letters and I'm loving it. And I get to be doubly  nosy. Not only do I get to read all about his life, but I get to read his personal letters.

My favorite part was his letter to his pregnant first wife, Jane. He sent her a contract (you can read the whole thing here) and it's genius. And heartfelt. And pretty adorable. Good work, Kurt.

I also really like reading his opinions on other authors."Example: T.S. Eliot. Fuck him. Everyone knows he's from St. Louis. Everyone but him." Tell me how you really feel.

I think the next biography I'm going to read is Autobiography of a Spy by Mary Bancroft. Kurt replied to a letter she wrote in 1972 and called it amusing and generous. If she can write an amusing, generous letter she can probably write a pretty good book about being a spy too.

It just occurred to me that a post about biographies is timely in light of this whole (utterly ridiculous) Gen. Petraeus scandal. That was unintentional.




Fact: Billy Joel is a the key to a healthy relationship. Hot jam of the week is Tell Her About It because it's good advice and the video features Rodney Dangerfield. Did you know Billy Joel and I share a birthday?

Hot Jam Extravaganza!

ALL HOT JAMS ALL THE TIME (this week.)

When I started thinking about what to write this week, my original plan was for Classy Girls by The Lumineers to be the hot jam. But then I heard Jolene by Dolly Parton on The Voice, and I thought maybe that should be the hot jam. Then I heard Are You Gonna Be My Girl by Jet and You and I by Ingrid Michaelson on my Pandora station and I thought one of those should be the hot jam. Then I reread my running list of topics/hot jams and decided Honey, I Been Thinking About You by Jackie Greene should be the hot jam. So, as you can see, I was in an indecisive pickle (story of my life) and as a result THEY ARE ALL THE HOT JAMS.Because I'm in charge of this and I can do whatever I want.

You've probably heard The Lumineers song Ho Hey, it was all over the place not too long ago (here's an adorable and talented! 8 year old covering it). I really like it, but I like Classy Girls better. The Lumineers sound like someone I would hear a mid-summer Alaska bluegrass festival. Which is basically my favorite place in the world.

 I love a song that tells a story, and I think this is a great one. And also offers some good advice. Classy girls really don't kiss in bars. Keep that in mind, ladies. (And gentlemen. If a girl is willing to kiss you in a bar, she's probably not a classy girl)

Dolly Parton blows my mind. I mean, look at her.

Fact: While looking for this image, Google suggested I search "dolly parton hot"

How does she not fall over, let alone sing like she does? Jolene is heartbreaking and that's what makes it so amazing. And it could only be more country if it mentioned something about a dog running away (or spaceships, toddlers, Model T cars, and jars of beer?)

Are You Gonna Be My Girl by Jet was released my senior year in high school, and I love it just as much now as I did then. I like that it's classically rock-n-roll and  that the lyrics implies a "Well....are you? (Gonna be my girl)" There might as well be a "Check 'yes, no or maybe'" at the end.

Two things make me love Honey I Been Thinking About You - 1) Harmonica 2) the lines I don't really care about your hot-blooded sister/I'm sure there's a man for to love her and miss her/I didn't mean nothing, I just happened to kiss her

You and I by Ingrid Michaelson might be the cutest song that references buying a home in the south of France. But my favorite lyric has nothing to do with real estate, but rather is a thinly veiled "adult" reference. Maybe I wanna do what bunnies do with you/If you know what I mean. If you add "If you know what I mean" to anything, it automatically makes it moderately dirty and thoroughly awesome. Keep that in mind, song writers.

Travel and R.Kelly

I just got back from a work trip to Fairbanks and a vacation to Durham. I like going new places and getting my picture taken in front of new tourist attractions.

Like the Lucky Strike tower in Durham

 I'm not a huge fan of flying, but until I've developed teleportation powers, air travel will have to do.

Jumper, anyone?

If you are not aware, Anchorage is really far from most places, which means whenever I fly anywhere I'm probably going to have to make at least one, but probably two connections.

 As a result, I've been in a lot of airports and I've picked up some travel tips along the way.


Travel tips and ways not to annoy your fellow travelers:

1) Want to check a bag but don't want to pay for it? If you are on a full flight (as mine always seem to be), pack in the biggest carry-on you can. Chances are they will check your bag through to your final destination at the gate because everyone and their mom packs in a roller bag and they won't all fit in the overhead compartment. Bonus: you don't have to lift your giant bag over your head.

2) If your flight gets canceled go down to the ticketing counter and skip the desk at the gate. They'll be swamped. Also while you are walking/waiting in line, call the airline's help number. And be polite. Airline staff are not trying to keep you in the airport. You're way more likely to get put in first class seat you don't have to pay for if you say please and thank you.

3) If you are on a full flight, don't go up to the counter and ask to switch to a window/aisle seat. Everyone hates you and no one wants to trade. Check-in on time and you won't have to deal with it.

4) Practically every flight out of Anchorage is a red eye, so I'm well-versed in the finer points of airplane sleeping. I like the window because I can lean against it and won't get my elbows bashed by the drink cart or accidentally start snuggling up with my neighbor.

But sitting in the window means you are not getting up to go to the bathroom. Everyone in your row is going to be asleep. Just accept it and don't order 5 ginger ales.

5) NO, YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT DASANI YOU JUST BOUGHT THROUGH SECURITY. It's been more than 10 years, folks. Learn the TSA rules. You are holding up the line. (Note: a jar of peanut butter is considered a liquid, so put it on a sandwich or put it in your checked bag) (Double note: they WILL let you take a quart sized bag of mini liquor bottles through. Just FYI)

This week's hot jam is Ignition (Remix) by R. Kelly. I love hip hop and as terrible as R. Kelly is at making life choices, he makes a good hip hop song. Try not to get it stuck in your head. Go ahead. You won't be able to. This came on when I was out for Halloween last weekend. It's been stuck in my head since. You're welcome.

Bonus points for spotting Nick Cannon

Oddities and Weezer

FYI I'm writing this from the very comfy king sized bed in my hotel room in Fairbanks. I'm on a work trip. For a conference. I'm like a real grown up.

I don't think it's a surprise that one of the top destinations on my bucket list is the Mutter Museum in Philadelphia and I have a not-so-secret dream to be in the circus and my Great Grandpa had a carnival ride - I like weird stuff.

Carny by blood.

Recently I started watching a show called Oddities on Netflix. It's a reality/documentary show about Obscura Antiques & Oddities in New York City. They buy and sell all kinds of weird stuff: taxidermy, shrunken heads, medical tools, carnival memorablia, etc. But watching the show has reminded me how much I like weird stuff like the things they sell.

When I was little my family took a trip to the Appalachian Mountains. It was a rainy afternoon and we were in Gatlinburg, TN. (One of the most touristy places I have ever been.) Thanks to a mutual family love of roadside attractions and a dislike for standing in the rain, we went to the Ripley's Believe It or Not museum. It's full of great stuff, like the world's longer gum wrapper chain, a wax model of the world's tallest man, cow hairballs, and Feejee [sic] mermaids.

Feejee mermaid - half monkey/half fish. All awesome.

Taxidermy, in general, gives me the creeps. But in Valdez, AK I found this mounted "furry salmon." It doesn't give me the creeps. I think it's the fur?

I like that a lot of oddities are a little bit spooky. Or at least unnerving. Double exposed photos, are just that, double exposed. It's nothing sinister, but that doesn't make the ghostly images any less creepy.

In contrast to last week, this week's hot jam is heartwarming rather than heartbreaking - it's (If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To by Weezer. There are a ton of things I love about this song: the parenthetical title, the clapability,  and awesome lyrics like The rest of the summer was the best we ever had/We watched Titanic and it didn't make us sad and You told me stories about your chickadees/They didn't like BB guns or stupid archery. In the romantic comedy version of my life this would be playing in the "Will they/won't they" montage. 

(Unfortunately I don't live in a romantic comedy, so this is a more accurate depiction of my real life. *Womp Womp*)

Bonus! Duet with Sara Bareillis here.

80s Rock and Patsy Cline

Our new work shirts are almost exact replica of this (except ours have sleeves):

Love it. The shirts got me thinking about how great rock/hair/glam/metal bands of the 80s are.  These guys made it okay for men to wear spandex and make up for Pete’s sake.  Pretty impressive.

Top 3 reasons 80s rock was great:

1)      The hair. As a curlyhead, I understand the pain of frizzy hair. But many an 80s band member embraced his frizzy, wild, long hair. Kudos, gentleman, not everyone can pull that off.

2)      The clothes. What do a 5 year old Maggie and Motley Crue have in common? Spandex. Lightning bolts. Neon. Acid wash.

Fact: I too had leopard print leggings in the 80s. Except mine were blue. And for ice skating.

3)      Power ballads. Just because one is too fast for love doesn’t mean one doesn’t  want to know what love is, amirite?

In a (surprising?) turn of genres, this week's hot jam is She's Got You by Patsy Cline. It is straight up heartbreaking. And not even in a "oh woe is me" sort of way, it's more "I've accepted my fate, but I'm not happy about it." Somehow that makes it even more heartbreaking.

Yuck.

You know what's not my favorite thing? Throwing up. Back in action next week.

Sewing and Foreigner

It's almost that time of year again - Halloween.You can be whatever you want, in as much or as little clothing as you wish.

I always opt for more clothing because 1) It's cold. 2) I'm not a college freshman. So far the top choice for this year is a dinosaur. Second choice is a shark. Both require minor modifications to a hoodie. (I have no sympathy for you, Sexy Astronaut, you should have picked a warmer costume.)

But this week is not about making fun of cold girls in sexy-whatever costumes, it's about sewing. I consider myself a little bit of a Stepford Wife trapped in the wrong decade. I really enjoy baking and wearing aprons and pearls and occasionally walking around the house in high heels. And, yes, sewing.

Sewing is a puzzle. If you cut the pieces correctly, putting it together is the easy part. I think it's amazing you can start out with 6 yards of fabric and end up with something like this:

Fact: I want to dress like this everyday.

Granted all I'll be sewing for my Halloween costume is felt triangles onto a hoodie, but it's the thought that counts, right?


This week's hot jam is Hot Blooded by Foreigner. Pretty exclusively because of these lyrics:

Are you old enough? Will you be ready when I call you bluff?
Is my timing right? Did you save your love for me tonight?

And because Lou Gramm and I both have an affinity for t-shirts with the neck cut out.

Potpourri and Rihanna

I couldn't decide on one thing, so it's potpourri week!

Hot beverages – It’s that time of year again. Actually, it’s always that time of year in Alaska, but it seems so much more appropriate when it’s not summer. If you walk into my kitchen and head towards the microwave you’ll find a cabinet I like to call the “hot beverage cabinet.” Now that I write that, I see how hopelessly unclever it is. Maybe Elation station? Or Lionel Richie (Hello, is it tea you’re looking for)? I’ll work on it. Regardless of the cleverness of the name, the cabinet is great. It smells like coffee and mint, you’ll find a mug featuring rabbits wearing jogging suits in it, and in the wee hours of the morning it’s nice to have all the coffee accoutrements in one place. Excellent kitchen planning, if I do say so myself.

My desk looks like this everyday. Coffee mug, tea mug, water bottle. I have to pee every 3 minutes.

Using my ID badge – Certain areas of the museum require keys to access (like my office,) other areas require waving one’s ID badge in front of a sensor. I LOVE doing that. It makes me feel like I work at the White House or some top secret government building. Mondays are so much less lame if you are pretending to be in a heist and/or spy film, amirite?

This is how I walk around the museum. In my mind.

Season Premiers – Fall season premiers have been happening for the last couple weeks, and I couldn’t be happier. A girl can only watch so many Magnum P.I. episodes on Netflix. I always like watching the new shows, figuring out if they are going to be any good. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by Matthew Perry’s new show Go On.  This week he kept getting mistaken for Rachel Maddow. They really do look oddly similar.

Dreamland – It’s been awhile since I’ve done a book review, so I guess I’m due. I just finished Dreamland: Adventures in the Strange Science of Sleep by David K. Randall and I highly recommend it. David is not a neurologist or a sleep scientist; he’s a writer who woke up in the middle of the night after he ran into a wall in his apartment. One his quest to understand his sleepwalking, he started investigating sleep science as a whole, and somewhere along the way decided to write a book about what he found. I spent 2 nights staying up too late reading it. Even my sleep deprived state, the irony was not lost on me.

Full disclosure – this week’s hot jam was inspired by TheVoice. Don’t judge.  It’s Only Girl (in the World) by Rihanna. As much as I appreciate classic rock and jazz and weird hipster music, I have a giant soft spot for pop. (No surprise there.) I love that Rhianna unapologetically sings dirty pop songs to fist-pumping beats. She knows her audience. Also, this video is awesomely bad.

MacGyver and The Beach Boys

When my power went out a couple weeks ago, I wasn't too upset about it. I got a lot of reading done and rearranged my living/dining room, so it really wasn't all bad. Except that my car was trapped in the garage. I know what you are thinking, "Maggie, you idiot, there's a safety release on the inside!"

Pull that red cord to open it!

Ah yes, there is a safety release in my garage. BUT I CAN'T GET TO IT. There's no other door into the garage. Really smart planning.


So when Anchorage was under YET ANOTHER wind warning this week, I channeled my inner MacGyver. (He's really taught me everything I know about being resourceful.) Using yarn, duct tape, an exceptionally well-tied knot (thanks, Girl Scouts!), and the information in a Youtube video about breaking into your (or someone else's?) garage, I "fixed" it so I can get the door open power or no power.

Long story shortish: I want MacGyver to be my best friend and here's why:

1) He would have fixed my garage door. And made a generator. Probably out of the beer cans waiting to go to the recycling bin

2)  He ALWAYS has a knife and that's incredibly handy

3) His first name in Angus. ANGUS. 

4) He always seems to have gum around.

5) He made an electrophoresis machine while in a head trauma-induced dream in Arthurian England

6) Mullet. MulletMulletMullet.

This week's hot jam is Wouldn't It Be Nice by The Beach Boys. When my parents first got a CD player The Beach Boys Greatest Hits was one of the first CDs we got. I highly recommend it. What's not to love about The Beach Boys? They sang mostly bubblegum pop songs about cute stuff like surfing and girls and love. Adorable.

Thanks to a deep love of Full House, I mostly picture The Beach Boys like this:

But look how cute they were in the 60's!

Seriously, what's not to love?